I see where Paris Hilton went to jail the other day to start serving her three weeks in jail. I couldn’t help it. It was on CNN. That’s CABLE NEWS NETWORK. Her Mommy went with her to check in. I am worried that the country won't survive these 3 weeks without her, especially now that Anna Nicole Smith is no longer with us to ease some of the country’s burden. It’s so unfair that Paris even has to go to jail. She was just breaking parole. Her contribution to the economy of Beverly Hills should have been taken into consideration. Perhaps now that Britney Spears is out of rehab and is apparently strong enough to start lip-synching on stage again, she can carry some of the burden for Paris while she is gone.
The last few weeks and months have been torture for this wonderful country we live in as we have had to watch the ongoing saga of determining paternity (say that 5 times fast) for Anna Nicole’s child. Apparently, half the country’s male population was suspect and it took some time to sort through them all. And poor Britney having to go through a divorce and custody battle. I think I speak for all of us when I say, I sure didn’t see this coming. After all, they pledged eternal love to each other. And now poor Paris. It pains me to even write this. How much more can our country take. I think I will shave my head, to show my solidarity with Britney and her suffering. I will also send my DNA report to the family of Anna Nicole so they don’t waste any of their very precious time on me. I will also send Paris a care package with a mirror in it. That should get her through. I am just a patriotic American, trying to do my part to get this country back on her feet again.
We should all be more like France. I myself have always enjoyed French fries, French toast, and French kissing. Along with these wonderful contributions to the world, France has shown her love and undying respect for Americans by naming it’s largest city after America’s #1 socialite and contributor to society, Paris Hilton. France…GETS IT! CNN gets it. Even Paris, Texas gets it. What about you? How ‘bout just a little respect for Miss Paris Hilton, our greatest living American.
In a totally unrelated story, 82 people died in South Carolina yesterday. Most of them didn’t know Jesus.
